Rejected MAPH Thesis Topics (from the archive)

Frustrated about finding an advisor?  I can relate.  Here were just some of my own Rejected MAPH Thesis Proposals:

Hey Max

“The Big Guy: God in the Bible” – Speaking from an objective historical perspective, little attention has been paid to one of the central characters in the Bible: God.  In this thesis, I aim to address how God works in the Bible, specifically in the Old and New Testaments, and discern several implications for the course of ancient and modern history.  If space allows, I will consider the broader effects of Biblical literature on the evolution of warfare from the era of the Pentateuch till the long 1960’s.

“Hamlet: Damn, that’s a Good Play” – Have you ever read Hamlet?  I know! OMG.  SO GOOD.  In this graduated thesis, I will propose, like, so many reasons why it’s such a great play.  I mean, when everyone dies at the end?  WTF! (Not)LOLzz.

“David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest and Roberto Bolano’s 2666: I Finished Them Both” – Considering the myriad spatio-linguistic implications for a hermeneutical analysis of Lacan’s influence on the work of both David Foster Wallace and Roberto Bolano’s 2666, a neo-Foucaultian examination of both works that offers revolutionary possibilities for literature itself, but also proves that I read both books IN THEIR ENTIRETY, might seem an aggressively daunting proposal, impressive in both its scope and inventiveness.  However, it is no less impressive than the fact that I read both books (including footnotes) IN THEIR ENTIRETY.  Through a discussion of how awesomely hard this was, with necessary time devoted to a thorough examination of my daily bathing habits (who had time for shampoo?!), I will make sure that you know without a doubt that I did in fact read both books.  And that I’m not just trying to impress you.Haiku of Myself: An Introduction to A-J – In a reinterpretation of Walt Whitman’s landmark American poem Song of Myself, I will attempt to engage with a form that Whitman was never brave enough to confront: the haiku.  Michiko Kakutani’s review in the New York Times will undoubtedly call this equally landmarky literary event, “Startling, it’s just brief / enough to make me want more / of A-J’s landmarks.”

“Take off Your Bunny Suit, Max: The Kinesis of Pedophilia as Self-Exploratory Transgressive Aesthetic Object-Cathexis in Where the Wild Things Are – Imposition of socio/bio/hetero/eroto/genito/flora-normative power structures in the wake of Post-post-(post)Structuralist analysis leads us to declare victoriously: η έκταση των αβεβαιοτήτων μου με εκφοβίζει ακόμη και!  Using symbolic logic where appropriate, and synthesis of an Althusserian cultural logic juxtaposed with the postcolonial contributions of Gayatri Spivak where vital, I will attempt to conclude that pedophilic tendencies in Where the Wild Things Are have remained latent and should be exposed if we are to properly regain properly queered (ex)tensions of American selfhoods.

One thought on “Rejected MAPH Thesis Topics (from the archive)

  1. Sarah S.

    I was thinking of titling mine “Weird-Ass Psychosexual Shit Happens in Flannery O’Connor and it’s Crazy: It’s Crazy.”

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