You’re underdressed!

November 10th, 2010 § 1 comment

Hey there MAPHarinos!

The time has come.  You must BUY WINTER CLOTHES.  I know that the cold has been a little late coming this year, but that is why now is the time to act!  Go get those greatcoats and earmuffs before it gets cold enough for hipsters to realize that their formfitting American Apparel sweatshirts and retro giant headphones are no longer cutting the mustard.

WHERE you go sort of depends on you.  Do a search for the closest Sally Am, Village Thrift or Unique Thrift, check out the Brown Elephant in Andersonville, head up to Ragstock in Boy’s Town, or all the way to the Junior League Club in Evanston if you got a case a’ the ol’ upper-class aspirations and wanna try on some fancy people clothes, fresh off some fancy people.

WHAT you wear, on the other hand, isn’t so much up to you as it is an effect produced by the limitations of your body in relation to the changing environment.  (I don’t mean what you wear on YOUR other hand, I’m being figurative.)  Think of it as a kind of second-hand Darwinism.  (Again, I don’t mean YOUR second hand, I’m making a pun on “second-hand” clothes (to which this version of Darwinism might be applied) and “second-hand Darwinism” itself, which is another way of saying that, strictly speaking, this is not Darwinism proper.)  WHAT you wear is more of a nature-realizing-itself-through-the-illusion-of-your-particularity sort of thing, and having always seen myself as something of an “owl of Minerva” (given that I have trouble sleeping at night, and a weakness for strong, dark and intelligent type people, especially if they are named Minerva) I figure I’ll just go ahead and TELL you what nature is going to use your body to wear, regardless of WHO you are.  (That was another pun, this type based on both the anti-individualism theme of this post and the owl reference (which, by the way, is a reference to Hegel (“The owl of Minerva flies only at dusk” (which means that we only know things after the fact (it is dusk now, by the way) because Minerva is the goddess of wisdom (for the ancient Greeks)))) the owl reference also linking back to Darwin inso far as I’m talking about clever animals (like the pugs in the photo (which also make a joke of Darwin in obvious ways (they are not naturally selected and are inherently unhealthy (and wearing coats)))).)

You need a coat!  As big and warm as possible!  Layers get DAMN annoying when you are going into an out of hot buildings all day.

You need BOOTS!  It snows HUGE in these parts, and your feet will get wet, then freeze, and die, if you do not buy boots!  Go to an army surplus store if you can, my canadian army boots are still going after two Montreal winters and a year in Chicago.

A HAT!!!!!  WAAAAAARM!

AND GLOVES!!!!!

Cool.  Ok.  That should do it.

–Phil

Tagged , ,

§ One Response to You’re underdressed!

  • hilary says:

    outstanding post phil, but i as a native chicagoan i have to quibble: i’m a fan of layers that enable you to wear coats chosen solely for their beauty, even if it gives you a little michelin man quality. i also find my giant retro headphones keep my ears nicely warm whilst contributing to a sense of internal well-being while i’m waiting for that owl to finally take flight. but i am so with you on hats and mittens. and boots.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>